Expectations overwhelm me. Specifically when they are based on society's norms. At the workplace, I have seldom had trouble stepping up my game to meet standards my team or manager may have defined for me. But outside the workplace, I tend not to be very strategic about how I conduct myself. It amazes me how nervous it makes me feel when I know I need to change myself to meet an expectation set purely as a result of social conditioning. There comes a time in everyone's life where you wonder why people suddenly perceive you differently and expect a whole new set of things from you, all because of one major event that occurred in your life.
Marriage for me has done precisely that. The person that my family and friends needed me to be after my marriage, has been someone nobody can become overnight. And yet, you're expected to. Some of the expectations amaze me, and some amuse me. It's hard to mold yourself enough, to live up to what everyone you care for believes you should be as a married woman. Barring the truly cynical or emotionally independent, most of us consider what people close to us think of us, as parameters of personal success. I do too. But I have to admit, I never thought marriage would make people want so much from me!
It's a learning process everyone who wishes to marry has to experience. For example, I thought being a gracious host at a formal dinner in my home would be a cakewalk. Not really! The strategy differs from circle to circle. Who I am with my in-laws is very different from who I am with my husband's friends. Conversation points I use with someone may have to be different from those I use with a different social clique. It sounds so much like a cereal brand. They try to be something to everyone. Everyone gets to have something they can like.
Honestly, I never thought I'd have be so many different people all at once. And silly me thought I could breeze by life, by just being, me. And in essence, that truly is what the personal struggle is all about. Do I just put on a face when I need to be someone I'm really not, but still need to because that's what is expected of me? Or is that who I really become? Is it the same cereal in different packaging? Or is it a different recipe altogether?
I don't think there will ever be an answer to these questions. Maybe that's who everyone eventually becomes - a different person to different people, while being their true selves with the people they are strictly the closest to. I am thankful I have even this much of an ability to be mold-able. While I'm working on increasing my mold-ability, something tells me I better make it a constant endeavor.
3 comments:
Marriage is a HUGE change in one's life. In our culture (the subcontinent that is) it is the woman mostly who has to adapt and mold to change.
I, too, have different personalities and appearances for different settings. So much so that when hubby dear saw me with my cousins the very first time after marriage he was quite amused. I think one must mold oneself to a certain extent. Some part of your personality must reflect no matter who you are with. It is not easy to not be in one's skin most of the times!
By the way, do cereals try to be something for everyone or do we try and find something in the cereal to suit our particular need?]
Happy molding!
It feels good to know I'm not the only one who has such sentiments :-) From one newly-wed to another!
And on the cereals bit - the cereal market has clearly reached a saturation point, customer growth-wise, where they're seriously out of ideas on getting new customers in. Hence the 'let's be everything to everyone' phenomena. My 2c. What do you think?
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